We all need connection. To feel seen, loved, and understood.
But in order to get these needs met we have to be willing to reach out and connect to others. We need to show people our true selves and let them know how we feel about them. That kind of vulnerability can be scary. It requires strength and courage.
To make it even scarier, we don’t just need to be accepted for the cool and confident, Instagram-ready, public version of ourselves.
We need to feel loved and understood for who we really are. Deep inside.
The secret self we don’t show the world, in all its sometimes messy imperfection. The parts of ourselves maybe even we have trouble accepting...
Like maybe you're sometimes petty or envious of others' success—even though you want to be happy for them. Or you hate the way you look first thing in the morning and never want anyone to be there to witness it. Never!
Maybe you’re intolerably grumpy when you get a cold. Or you deal with anxiety and rejection with gallons of ice-cream, bottles of wine, or a mountain of Cheetos. Maybe you secretly spend too much time scoping out that ex on social media, or binge-watching really trashy TV.
If we let anyone get too close they’re going to find out about a lot of the stuff we like to hide. And that can be an uncomfortable thought!
But humans need connection. Real connection. We need to feel accepted and deeply understood for who we really are--the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As an Empath, you can probably understand this intuitively. You can feel this need in people more than others can. You have the ability to reach out and offer that necessary understanding and connection. Sometimes, you know how people are feeling, and what they need, before they’re even conscious of it themselves.
Because of this, you know how to create a safe and therapeutic space for friends and family to be totally honest and vulnerable. You're who they go to when they need to talk about the things that are hard to say out loud.
But what about you, Empath?
What about your need for love, understanding, and connection? Empaths have all these same needs too. And we feel more deeply--including rejection and judgment. So it can be even scarier for us to go out into the world and connect to others with an open and vulnerable heart.
And what about the inevitable moments of rejection we’ll face? All that big vulnerability brings connection…but it also comes with a risk.
So, is it even worth it to show so much vulnerability? To show our real, authentic selves to the world and reach out to others for deep connection?
Yes. 100% yes. Because reaching out to connect with others is the only way we can find the people who are right for us. Those who can become our new friends and partners. Our chosen family.
But we can’t do that if we’re always maintaining our distance--never showing others who we really are. We’ve got to be our honest and openhearted, sometimes messy and awkward, goofy and ridiculous, real selves if we want to find the people who will love us for who we really are.
Listen, it’s true that some people won’t relate to the real and authentic you. And that sucks. It can be really scary. But it’s ok. Because those aren’t your people. If you want to find true and authentic connection you have to be ok with the fact that not everyone will relate to the real you. Not everyone will approve of you.
Not everyone will appreciate—or even comprehend—what you have to offer the world. True freedom means understanding that and being ok with it.
But your people will understand and appreciate you for who you are. And they'll love you so much for it!
When you hide your true, wild, and authentic self, you're also hiding your greatest gifts and strengths. You’re hiding the parts of you that your future friends and partners will recognize and love.
And they are out there! They’re out there looking for connections too. How will they ever find YOU if you aren't really being YOU?✪
Are You an Empath? Take the quiz now to find out!
My mission is to help each highly sensitive and empathic person wake up to their power, brilliance, and authentic path. Learn more about Intuitive coaching. Send me an email or schedule a free consultation if you have question. Or book your one-on-one session to get started now. Subscribe for the next blog post.